The Great Toaster Debate

ALEX: Why is it burnt?
JORDAN: It's not burnt.
ALEX: It's charcoal, Jordan.
JORDAN: It's called charred.
ALEX: Charred is for steaks.
JORDAN: Toast can be charred.
ALEX: Not when I want jam.
JORDAN: Jam covers everything.
ALEX: Not the taste of ash.
JORDAN: You lack culinary vision.
ALEX: My vision sees black.
JORDAN: It's a deep brown.
ALEX: it is midnight black.
JORDAN: The toaster is moody.
ALEX: Toasters don't have moods.
JORDAN: This one definitely does.
ALEX: You set it to ten.
JORDAN: Ten is the peak.
ALEX: Ten is a cremation.
JORDAN: It's more flavorful this way.
ALEX: It tastes like a campfire.
JORDAN: Campfires are nostalgic.
ALEX: I want breakfast, not nostalgia.
JORDAN: Just scrape it off.
ALEX: With what? A chisel?
JORDAN: Use a butter knife.
ALEX: The knife will snap.
JORDAN: You're being dramatic.
ALEX: My toast is a brick.
JORDAN: Bricks are sturdy.
ALEX: I can't eat bricks!
JORDAN: Dip it in milk.
ALEX: That is genuinely disgusting.
JORDAN: It's like a crouton.
ALEX: A giant, burnt crouton.
JORDAN: Exactly. Giant flavor.
ALEX: You are a monster.
JORDAN: A flavorful monster.
ALEX: Give me the dial.
JORDAN: No, you'll ruin it.
ALEX: It is already ruined!
JORDAN: Not for my palate.
ALEX: Your palate is broken.
JORDAN: My palate is adventurous.
ALEX: Adventure shouldn't taste like soot.
JORDAN: Soot is earthy.
ALEX: Earthy means dirt, Jordan.
JORDAN: Dirt is nature's seasoning.
ALEX: I am moving out.
JORDAN: You can't move out.
ALEX: Why not?
JORDAN: Who will buy toast?
ALEX: I'll buy it pre-toasted.
JORDAN: That's cheating.
ALEX: It's called efficiency.
JORDAN: Efficiency is boring.
ALEX: Being able to chew is better.
JORDAN: You can chew charcoal.
ALEX: My teeth are not diamonds.
JORDAN: They should be stronger.
ALEX: I'll start eating rocks.
JORDAN: Now we're talking.
ALEX: Stop encouraging my madness.
JORDAN: I love your madness.
ALEX: Your toast is smoking.
JORDAN: It's just steaming.
ALEX: Smoke does not steam.
JORDAN: This smoke is steamy.
ALEX: That makes zero sense.
JORDAN: Sense is overrated anyway.
ALEX: My life is a circus.
JORDAN: I'm the ringmaster.
ALEX: You're the clown.
JORDAN: Clowns are beloved.
ALEX: Not by the toast.
JORDAN: The toast loves me.
ALEX: The toast is dead.
JORDAN: It died for flavor.
ALEX: It died in agony.
JORDAN: Drama queen alert.
ALEX: Look at this crumb!
JORDAN: A beautiful, black crumb.
ALEX: It's a pebble of sadness.
JORDAN: It's a nugget of joy.
ALEX: I'm calling the landlord.
JORDAN: He likes charred toast.
ALEX: Of course he does.
JORDAN: We are a charred family.
ALEX: I'm not your family.
JORDAN: You're my best friend.
ALEX: Friends don't burn breakfast.
JORDAN: Friends share the charcoal.
ALEX: I'm eating cereal.
JORDAN: Cereal is just cold soup.
ALEX: Don't start with that.
JORDAN: It is liquid grain.
ALEX: Leave me and my flakes alone.
JORDAN: Your flakes are bland.
ALEX: Bland is safe.
JORDAN: Safety is for cowards.
ALEX: I am a brave cereal eater.
JORDAN: Truly a hero.
ALEX: Now move away from the toaster.
JORDAN: Never!
ALEX: Get out!
JORDAN: Fine, keep your blandness.
ALEX: I will.
JORDAN: I'm still taking the jam.
ALEX: Put it back!
JORDAN: No.
ALEX: Jordan!
JORDAN: Charred jam is best.
ALEX: You can't char jam!
JORDAN: Watch me.