The Office Coffee War

JIM: I saw it first, Pam.
PAM: Your eyes were closed, Jim.
JIM: My eyelids were just resting slightly.
PAM: You were practically snoring, Jim.
JIM: I was meditating on the roast.
PAM: Meditating does not give priority.
JIM: The law of sight does.
PAM: The law of reach is better.
JIM: Your hand is too far away.
PAM: My fingers are almost there.
JIM: I have a longer arm, Pam.
PAM: That is an unfair biological advantage.
JIM: Evolution favors the coffee drinker.
PAM: Evolution favors the fast mover.
JIM: Just give me one sip.
PAM: One sip leads to more sips.
JIM: I will only take a tiny bit.
PAM: A tiny bit is still some.
JIM: You have a whole pot at home.
PAM: Home coffee tastes like dirt, Jim.
JIM: This office coffee also tastes like dirt.
PAM: It is high-quality corporate dirt.
JIM: I need this for the meeting.
PAM: The meeting is in ten minutes.
JIM: Exactly! I need my brain awake.
PAM: My brain is already screaming, Jim.
JIM: Screaming at me or the boss?
PAM: At both of you, honestly now.
JIM: Just split it with me, Pam.
PAM: Half a drop is not enough.
JIM: We can use a pipette, maybe.
PAM: I am not using lab gear here.
JIM: You are an accountant, use tools.
PAM: My tools are spreadsheets, Jim.
JIM: Spreadsheets cannot brew coffee, sadly.
PAM: No, but they track my caffeine.
JIM: Your tracking is skewed today.
PAM: My data is always perfect, Jim.
JIM: Look! A bird outside the window!
PAM: I am not falling for that.
JIM: It is a very rare pigeon!
PAM: Pigeons are everywhere in city.
JIM: This one has a tiny hat!
PAM: A hat? Let me see it!
JIM: Now it is my turn, Pam!
PAM: You cheated! That was low, Jim.
JIM: Victory tastes like burnt beans.
PAM: I will get you back, Jim.
JIM: How? By stealing my stapler?
PAM: I might steal your favorite pen.
JIM: Do not touch the blue pen!
PAM: Now we have a real war.
JIM: This is psychological warfare, Pam.
PAM: I am a master of psychology.
JIM: You just read one blog post.
PAM: That post was very influential, Jim.
JIM: Influential in making you weird.
PAM: Weird is the new efficient, Jim.
JIM: Efficient at what? Being annoying?
PAM: Exactly! I am very efficient now.
JIM: Give me back my pen, Pam.
PAM: I do not have your pen.
JIM: Then why are you holding it?
PAM: This is a different blue pen.
JIM: It has my initials on it!
PAM: These are just random letters, Jim.
JIM: J-I-M is not random, Pam.
PAM: Maybe it stands for Just In Middle.
JIM: That makes no sense at all.
PAM: Sense is overrated in this office.
JIM: I am reporting this to HR.
PAM: HR is on a coffee break.
JIM: Where did they get their coffee?
PAM: Probably from the secret pot, Jim.
JIM: There is a secret pot here?
PAM: Yes, but you are too slow.
JIM: Tell me where it is, Pam!
PAM: No way in hell, my friend.
JIM: I will trade you the pen.
PAM: Deal! Give me the blue pen.
JIM: Here. Now tell me the location.
PAM: It is in the breakroom closet.
JIM: The closet? Who puts coffee there?
PAM: The people who want peace, Jim.
JIM: I am going there right now!
PAM: Wait! There is a trap, Jim.
JIM: What kind of trap, Pam?
PAM: A very small, wet puddle.
JIM: Why would there be a puddle?
PAM: The machine leaks a little bit.
JIM: That is not a trap, Pam.
PAM: It is a psychological deterrent, Jim.
JIM: I am immune to your detergents.
PAM: You mean deterrents, you idiot.
JIM: My brain is still half asleep.
PAM: That is why you need coffee.
JIM: I am going for the gold!
PAM: Good luck with the puddle, Jim.
JIM: I will wear my rain boots.
PAM: We are indoors, Jim!
JIM: Better safe than wet, Pam.
PAM: You are truly a strange man.
JIM: And you are a coffee thief.
PAM: I prefer the term caffeine enthusiast.
JIM: Enthusiast is just a fancy word.
PAM: Fancy words get more promotions, Jim.
JIM: Then I will start using them.
PAM: Start by learning how to spell.
JIM: I can spell coffee perfectly, Pam!