Extreme Ironing

JUNIA: Why am I doing this?
ALARIC: It is a sport, Junia.
JUNIA: Ironing is not a sport.
ALARIC: Extreme ironing is different.
JUNIA: How is it different?
ALARIC: You do it in weird places.
JUNIA: Like where?
ALARIC: Under water or on mountains.
JUNIA: That sounds dangerous and pointless.
ALARIC: But the trophies are gold.
JUNIA: I do not want a trophy.
ALARIC: You love winning things.
JUNIA: I like winning useful things.
ALARIC: A gold iron is useful.
JUNIA: It is just an iron.
ALARIC: Look at the competition.
JUNIA: That man is on a cliff.
ALARIC: He has great creases.
JUNIA: Who cares about creases here?
ALARIC: The judges care deeply.
JUNIA: This is the weirdest day ever.
ALARIC: Just set up your board.
JUNIA: Where should I put it?
ALARIC: On that floating log.
JUNIA: I will fall in the water!
ALARIC: That is the "Extreme" part.
JUNIA: I hate the extreme part.
ALARIC: Just balance yourself.
JUNIA: My shirt is getting wet.
ALARIC: Use the steam setting.
JUNIA: Steam does not work underwater!
ALARIC: You are not underwater yet.
JUNIA: I am almost there.
ALARIC: Keep ironing, Junia!
JUNIA: This board is wobbling.
ALARIC: Just lean to the left.
JUNIA: Now I am leaning too much.
ALARIC: Steady now.
JUNIA: I see a shark!
ALARIC: Does the shark like shirts?
JUNIA: No, it likes me!
ALARIC: Iron faster!
JUNIA: I cannot iron while fleeing!
ALARIC: Use the board as a shield.
JUNIA: That is a bad idea.
ALARIC: It is an extreme idea.
JUNIA: The shark is gone now.
ALARIC: Great, back to the collar.
JUNIA: I am done with this.
ALARIC: You are almost finished.
JUNIA: My arms are tired.
ALARIC: Think of the gold!
JUNIA: Gold does not fix tiredness.
ALARIC: But it looks pretty.
JUNIA: The judge is looking at us.
ALARIC: Smile and press hard.
JUNIA: I am pressing as hard as possible.
ALARIC: Your shirt is perfectly flat.
JUNIA: It is a rag now.
ALARIC: A very flat rag.
JUNIA: I am going back to shore.
ALARIC: Wait for the score!
JUNIA: I do not care about scores.
ALARIC: You always care about scores.
JUNIA: Not in ironing.
ALARIC: Look, you got a ten!
JUNIA: A ten? Really?
ALARIC: Perfect technique and bravery.
JUNIA: Bravery against a shark?
ALARIC: Exactly.
JUNIA: I actually won?
ALARIC: You are the champion!
JUNIA: I cannot believe it.
ALARIC: Let us celebrate with tea.
JUNIA: And no more ironing.
ALARIC: No promises.
JUNIA: If you bring an iron home...
ALARIC: I might buy a gold one.
JUNIA: Get out of my house.
ALARIC: But we are on a log!
JUNIA: Then swim away, Alaric.
ALARIC: Can I keep the trophy?
JUNIA: Yes, just take it.
ALARIC: You are so generous.
JUNIA: I just want you to leave.
ALARIC: Fine, I am swimming now.
JUNIA: Good riddance.
ALARIC: Wait, where is my shirt?
JUNIA: The shark took it.
ALARIC: Oh man.
JUNIA: Now he is stylish.
ALARIC: I hope it fits him.