The Great Toaster Rebellion

KAREN: Why is my bread still white?
SILAS: The toaster is on strike.
KAREN: Toasters do not strike.
SILAS: This one does.
KAREN: What does it want?
SILAS: Only sourdough.
KAREN: I have white bread!
SILAS: He hates white bread.
KAREN: It is just bread!
SILAS: He calls it cardboard.
KAREN: Who taught it that?
SILAS: Probably the blender.
KAREN: The blender is arrogant.
SILAS: He knows a lot.
KAREN: This is ridiculous, Silas.
SILAS: Just buy sourdough.
KAREN: I am not buying sourdough.
SILAS: Then eat raw bread.
KAREN: That is disgusting.
SILAS: Toaster agrees with you.
KAREN: Stop talking for it!
SILAS: I can hear him humming.
KAREN: It is a machine!
SILAS: A very picky machine.
KAREN: Where is the manual?
SILAS: He ate the manual.
KAREN: How does a toaster eat?
SILAS: He sucked it in.
KAREN: This house is cursed.
SILAS: Or just modern.
KAREN: I want an old one.
SILAS: Old ones burn everything.
KAREN: At least they work.
SILAS: They just work poorly.
KAREN: Better than a snob.
SILAS: He is an artist.
KAREN: It toasts bread, Silas!
SILAS: It creates golden art.
KAREN: I want breakfast now.
SILAS: Try the oven.
KAREN: Too slow for me.
SILAS: Patience is a virtue.
KAREN: So is eating toast.
SILAS: He says you are loud.
KAREN: I am not loud!
SILAS: You are screaming now.
KAREN: I am expressing passion!
SILAS: Passion for wheat products.
KAREN: Just fix it, Silas.
SILAS: I cannot code sourdough.
KAREN: It is a knob!
SILAS: He ignores the knob.
KAREN: Why did we buy this?
SILAS: It had five stars.
KAREN: Who gave those stars?
SILAS: Other toaster enthusiasts.
KAREN: That is not a thing.
SILAS: It really is, Karen.
KAREN: I am calling support.
SILAS: They are all toasters.
KAREN: What does that mean?
SILAS: The company is automated.
KAREN: Great. Just great.
SILAS: Maybe he likes rye.
KAREN: I hate rye bread.
SILAS: He knows that too.
KAREN: Stop it right now!
SILAS: He is laughing at you.
KAREN: Toasters cannot laugh.
SILAS: He is vibrating.
KAREN: That is just heating.
SILAS: No, it is laughter.
KAREN: I am throwing it.
SILAS: Do not do that.
KAREN: Watch me throw it!
SILAS: He will haunt you.
KAREN: Machines cannot haunt people.
SILAS: The blender is watching.
KAREN: Leave the blender out!
SILAS: He is judging your outfit.
KAREN: My dress is fine!
SILAS: Toaster thinks it is beige.
KAREN: I hate this kitchen.
SILAS: We can move.
KAREN: With the toaster?
SILAS: He comes with us.
KAREN: No way in hell.
SILAS: He knows where keys are.
KAREN: Where are my keys?
SILAS: Ask the sourdough snob.
KAREN: Give them back, you machine!
SILAS: Now you are negotiating.
KAREN: I am demanding them!
SILAS: He wants a compliment.
KAREN: I will not compliment it.
SILAS: Just say he is shiny.
KAREN: You are very shiny.
SILAS: He says that was fake.
KAREN: I give up.
SILAS: Breakfast is served.
KAREN: Where?
SILAS: In your dreams, honey.
KAREN: Go away, Silas.
SILAS: Love you too!