The Bad Date

CLARA: So, you collect spoons?
EVANDER: Not just spoons. Sporks too.
CLARA: Why sporks?
EVANDER: They are the hybrids.
CLARA: Hybrids of what?
EVANDER: Forks and spoons, Clara.
CLARA: I know what they are.
EVANDER: Most people don't appreciate them.
CLARA: I appreciate silence.
EVANDER: Silence is for libraries.
CLARA: This feels like a library.
EVANDER: Is it that quiet?
CLARA: It's deafeningly quiet.
EVANDER: My spork collection is loud.
CLARA: How can spoons be loud?
EVANDER: They clink beautifully.
CLARA: I imagine they don't.
EVANDER: You're just not a collector.
CLARA: I collect regrets.
EVANDER: That's a sad hobby.
CLARA: Like this date.
EVANDER: Are you having a bad time?
CLARA: I'm having an experience.
EVANDER: Experiences are valuable.
CLARA: Some are just warnings.
EVANDER: A warning for what?
CLARA: To never date spork guys.
EVANDER: Spork guys are loyal.
CLARA: Loyal to utensils?
EVANDER: They are reliable tools.
CLARA: I want a human partner.
EVANDER: I am human.
CLARA: Barely, in this case.
EVANDER: You're being quite harsh.
CLARA: I'm being honest.
EVANDER: Honesty is a virtue.
CLARA: So is brevity.
EVANDER: I can be brief.
CLARA: Please be brief now.
EVANDER: About what?
CLARA: About your life story.
EVANDER: I only told you about spoons.
CLARA: That was too much.
EVANDER: I have a coin set too.
CLARA: Stop. Just stop.
EVANDER: Do you like nickels?
CLARA: No, I hate nickels.
EVANDER: Why hate a nickel?
CLARA: They feel slimy.
EVANDER: That's just the oil.
CLARA: Oil from where?
EVANDER: From the economy!
CLARA: You are a strange man.
EVANDER: Strange is another word for unique.
CLARA: Unique is another word for weird.
EVANDER: We are playing a game.
CLARA: I didn't agree to play.
EVANDER: It's the game of love.
CLARA: This is the game of escape.
EVANDER: Escape to where?
CLARA: To my bed, alone.
EVANDER: You don't like company?
CLARA: I like good company.
EVANDER: I am good company!
CLARA: You are a utensil enthusiast.
EVANDER: That's a positive trait.
CLARA: It's a red flag.
EVANDER: Red is a bold color.
CLARA: My flags are waving, Evander.
EVANDER: Waving hello?
CLARA: Waving goodbye.
EVANDER: Is it the sporks?
CLARA: Yes, it's the sporks.
EVANDER: I can hide them.
CLARA: That won't help now.
EVANDER: I have a rare fork too.
CLARA: Please stop talking.
EVANDER: Just one more thing.
CLARA: No.
EVANDER: It's about a ladle.
CLARA: A ladle! Really?
EVANDER: It's from the eighteenth century.
CLARA: I don't care.
EVANDER: You should care about history.
CLARA: My history is now clear.
EVANDER: Clear as what?
CLARA: Clear that this is over.
EVANDER: But we haven't had dessert.
CLARA: I'm full of regret.
EVANDER: Regret isn't a dessert.
CLARA: It tastes like bitterness.
EVANDER: Bitterness pairs well with chocolate.
CLARA: You are unbelievable.
EVANDER: Thank you for the compliment.
CLARA: That wasn't a compliment.
EVANDER: I take it as one anyway.
CLARA: I am leaving now.
EVANDER: Will you call me?
CLARA: Only to block you.
EVANDER: Blocking is just digital distance.
CLARA: Goodbye, Evander.
EVANDER: Bye! Keep thinking about sporks!
CLARA: Never.
EVANDER: They'll find you eventually.
CLARA: Help.
EVANDER: I'll bring the ladle next time!
CLARA: There is no next time.
EVANDER: Optimism is key!
CLARA: My key is for my car.
EVANDER: Drive safely, Clara!
CLARA: I will. Far away.
EVANDER: I love a woman with direction.
CLARA: Just stop talking.
EVANDER: Okay. Bye!