The Bad Handyman: Electric Edition

PHINEAS: Why is my light flickering purple, Gary?
GARY: It is just adding some mood to room.
PHINEAS: I did not ask for a mood, I asked fix.
GARY: Moods are free of charge, Phineas, truly.
PHINEAS: The light is blinking like a dance club!
GARY: You can have a party every single night.
PHINEAS: I just want to read my book, Gary.
GARY: Reading is better with some rhythmic lighting.
PHINEAS: It is giving me a headache, you idiot.
GARY: That is just your brain adjusting to vibe.
PHINEAS: The vibe is causing sparks in kitchen!
GARY: Sparks are just little fireworks for home.
PHINEAS: Fireworks inside the house are very dangerous!
GARY: Danger is where the real excitement lives, Phineas.
PHINEAS: I do not want excitement in my wires.
GARY: These wires were boring and grey, Phineas.
PHINEAS: Wires should be boring! They should work!
GARY: Working is a state of mind, my friend.
PHINEAS: My mind says you are a terrible electrician.
GARY: I am a creative energy technician, Phineas.
PHINEAS: You are a man with a screwdriver and hope.
GARY: Hope is the most powerful current, Phineas.
PHINEAS: Current should stay inside the insulated cables!
GARY: Cables are just suggestions for electricity, Phineas.
PHINEAS: Electricity does not follow suggestions, Gary!
GARY: It follows the path of least resistance, obviously.
PHINEAS: And you made that path go through toaster!
GARY: Now your toast is toasted in record time.
PHINEAS: My toast is burnt and smelling like ozone.
GARY: Ozone is the scent of a clean future, Phineas.
PHINEAS: I prefer the scent of actual bread, Gary.
GARY: You are too attached to the old ways.
PHINEAS: The old way was having lights that stay on!
GARY: On and off is the heartbeat of universe.
PHINEAS: My heart is beating fast because of fear.
GARY: Fear is just adrenaline for your soul, Phineas.
PHINEAS: My soul wants a house that does not spark.
GARY: Sparking is just a sign of high energy.
PHINEAS: High energy will burn the whole place down!
GARY: Then we can build a new one with tape.
PHINEAS: Do not bring your duct tape into this, Gary.
GARY: Tape works for wires too, if you try.
PHINEAS: NO TAPE ON ELECTRICAL OUTLETS, GARY!
GARY: You are very stressed about these little things.
PHINEAS: My house is a fire hazard, that is big!
GARY: A fire hazard is just a warm home, Phineas.
PHINEAS: Warmth should come from heater, not wires!
GARY: Your walls are now naturally heated, Phineas.
PHINEAS: I can feel the wall vibrating, Gary.
GARY: That is the rhythm of the city, Phineas.
PHINEAS: The city does not live in my drywall!
GARY: Maybe a small spirit moved in recently.
PHINEAS: Spirits do not cause short circuits, idiot.
GARY: Electric spirits are the most common kind.
PHINEAS: I am calling the real electric company now.
GARY: They are boring and use too many codes.
PHINEAS: Codes keep me from dying in my sleep!
GARY: Sleep is a state of low voltage, Phineas.
PHINEAS: You talk like you are a battery, Gary.
GARY: I am the human battery of this neighborhood.
PHINEAS: Then please discharge yourself and leave.
GARY: I cannot leave while the flow is unstable.
PHINEAS: The flow is unstable because YOU touched it!
GARY: I just gave it a little bit of nudge.
PHINEAS: A nudge that turned my fridge into disco?
GARY: Your milk will be the most rhythmic milk.
PHINEAS: My milk is now warm and probably spoiled.
GARY: Warm milk is good for sleep, Phineas.
PHINEAS: I cannot sleep while lights are flashing!
GARY: Just close your eyes and feel the beat.
PHINEAS: There is no beat! It is just random blinking!
GARY: Randomness is the peak of artistic expression.
PHINEAS: I do not want an expression in my lamp.
GARY: You are a man of very limited vision, Phineas.
PHINEAS: My vision is focused on NOT dying today.
GARY: Death is just a final power outage, Phineas.
PHINEAS: That is the most depressing thing you've said.
GARY: Truth can be dark, but lights are bright!
PHINEAS: The lights are too bright! They are blinding!
GARY: Now you are seeing the true light, Phineas.
PHINEAS: I am seeing spots in my eyes, Gary!
GARY: Those spots are just digital pixels of life.
PHINEAS: Get out of my house before I faint.
GARY: Fainting is just a quick reboot for brain.
PHINEAS: GET OUT! NOW! TAKE YOUR SCREWDRIVER AND GO!
GARY: Fine, but your microwave might start singing.
PHINEAS: Why would it start singing, Gary?
GARY: I tweaked the frequency for a little opera.
PHINEAS: I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS DAY!
GARY: See you next week for the plumbing, Phineas!
PHINEAS: DO NOT COME BACK FOR THE PLUMBING!