The Bad Roommate's Hobbies

STELLAN: What is that in your hand, Ronan?
RONAN: It is a professional didgeridoo, Stellan!
STELLAN: Where did you even find a didgeridoo, sir?
RONAN: I ordered it from an artisan in Australia.
STELLAN: This is the fourth hobby you've had this week.
RONAN: Hobbies are the windows to the soul, Stellan.
STELLAN: Your soul is very cluttered and noisy, Ronan.
RONAN: On Monday, I decided to become a master weaver.
STELLAN: You just made one ugly scarf that smells like wool.
RONAN: It is a conceptual piece about winter's chill.
STELLAN: It is a small rag that looks like a mistake.
RONAN: Tuesday was the day of the Great Painting.
STELLAN: You painted the hallway orange and missed the wall.
RONAN: I was capturing the energy of a sunset, Stellan.
STELLAN: The energy of a sunset should stay outside, man.
RONAN: Wednesday brought me to the world of astronomy.
STELLAN: Your telescope is blocking the path to the bathroom.
RONAN: I am searching for a planet made of diamonds!
STELLAN: You can't see diamond planets from our balcony.
RONAN: The telescope has a special, high-power lens, Stellan.
STELLAN: It just makes the neighbor's laundry look bigger.
RONAN: Laundry is also a form of textile art, honestly.
STELLAN: Stop calling everything "art" and clean up!
RONAN: Cleaning is a chore; hobbies are a passion.
STELLAN: Your passion is making my life a disaster, Ronan.
RONAN: I am just expanding our horizons as roommates.
STELLAN: My horizon currently consists of your junk, sir.
RONAN: Today is Thursday, the day of the didgeridoo!
STELLAN: Please do not blow into that thing in here.
RONAN: The vibration helps clear the sinuses, Stellan.
STELLAN: I don't have sinus problems; I have "Ronan" problems.
RONAN: Ronan problems can be solved with deep music.
STELLAN: Your music sounds like a dying whale in a tube.
RONAN: Whale songs are the most emotional of all!
STELLAN: My emotion is currently "extreme annoyance", sir.
RONAN: That tone would sound great on the didgeridoo.
STELLAN: Do not translate my anger into music, Ronan.
RONAN: I am creating a sonic map of our friendship.
STELLAN: Our friendship is a map to a mental hospital.
RONAN: Hospitals are just places for physical healing.
STELLAN: I need a mental healing from your hobbies, man.
RONAN: Tomorrow is Friday, the day of the taxidermy!
STELLAN: Taxidermy? Please tell me you are joking, Ronan.
RONAN: I already bought the stuffing and the needles.
STELLAN: Where are you getting the animals from, sir?
RONAN: I found some roadkill on the way home today.
STELLAN: GET THAT FILTH OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!
RONAN: It is a natural process of preserving beauty, Stellan.
STELLAN: Roadkill is not beauty; it is a biological hazard!
RONAN: You are too focused on the smell and not art.
STELLAN: The smell is the only thing I can focus on!
RONAN: I will use some incense to hide the scent.
STELLAN: Incense just makes it smell like "perfumed dead cat".
RONAN: Perfume is the mask we wear for the world, Stellan.
STELLAN: Your mask is a disaster and a health risk, man.
RONAN: I am becoming a Renaissance man of our time.
STELLAN: A Renaissance man does not keep dead rats in bed.
RONAN: They are not rats; they are small woodland creatures.
STELLAN: They are pests that belong in the ground, Ronan.
RONAN: The ground is too boring for such unique shapes.
STELLAN: I am going to throw your didgeridoo in trash.
RONAN: You wouldn't dare! It is a piece of culture!
STELLAN: My culture involves not having dead animals inside.
RONAN: You are so rigid and traditional, my friend.
STELLAN: Traditional means "not living with a taxidermist".
RONAN: I can also learn to juggle flaming torches!
STELLAN: ABSOLUTELY NOT! No fire in this apartment!
RONAN: Fire is the same as light, just more intense.
STELLAN: It is the same as burning my house down, Ronan.
RONAN: You are always so negative about my dreams.
STELLAN: My dream is to have a roommate who is normal.
RONAN: Normal is a myth created by people without hobbies.
STELLAN: Hobbies should not involve roadkill and fire, sir.
RONAN: I am just exploring the limits of human experience.
STELLAN: The limit is my patience and it has been reached.
RONAN: Then we have found a new boundary to explore!
STELLAN: Get out of here with your pipes and your dead rats.
RONAN: I will move my studio to the garage for now.
STELLAN: Please do! And lock the door from the inside!
RONAN: I can't, the door is currently a painting project.
STELLAN: I am calling the landlord to report a hazard.
RONAN: Tell him we have a diverse array of interests!
STELLAN: He will see a la landfill and evict us both.
RONAN: Then we can start a colony of art in the wild!
STELLAN: I am moving out alone; you can keep the rats.
RONAN: You'll miss my energy and my didgeridoo, Stellan!
STELLAN: I will miss them as much as I miss toothaches.
RONAN: That is still a form of strong feeling, right?
STELLAN: Just go to the garage and leave me in peace.
RONAN: I'll play a song for your departure, my friend!
STELLAN: DO NOT PLAY THAT TUBE NEAR ME, Ronan!