The First Date Disaster

CASSIAN: You look very nice tonight.
LYRA: Thanks! You look... interesting.
CASSIAN: Interesting is usually a compliment.
LYRA: In this context, maybe not.
CASSIAN: Is it my tie? It's silk.
LYRA: There is a spot on it.
CASSIAN: Oh, I just spilled water.
LYRA: That looks like red wine.
CASSIAN: It is a very red water.
LYRA: Water is not red, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Maybe the glass was dirty.
LYRA: This is a five-star place.
CASSIAN: They have dirty glasses here.
LYRA: Let us just order food.
CASSIAN: I love the escargot here.
LYRA: Snails? I hate snails, Cassian.
CASSIAN: They are just salty slugs.
LYRA: That makes them sound worse.
CASSIAN: Do you like the lobster?
LYRA: Lobster is too expensive, honestly.
CASSIAN: My treat! Don't worry about it.
LYRA: Still, it feels too much.
CASSIAN: I want to impress you, Lyra.
LYRA: You are impressing me with spills.
CASSIAN: That was just a small accident.
LYRA: You knocked over the salt.
CASSIAN: Salt is good for the mood.
LYRA: It is bad for blood pressure.
CASSIAN: You are very health conscious.
LYRA: I just like not dying, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Dying is part of the journey.
LYRA: That is a dark thing to say.
CASSIAN: I meant in a poetic way.
LYRA: Poetry does not belong at dinner.
CASSIAN: I can write you a poem!
LYRA: Please do not do that, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Too late! Roses are red...
LYRA: Stop right there, please stop.
CASSIAN: ...and violets are blue!
LYRA: Why is this happening to me?
CASSIAN: You are just too tense, Lyra.
LYRA: I am not tense, I am aware.
CASSIAN: Aware of how bad this is?
LYRA: Yes, very aware indeed, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Let us change the subject now.
LYRA: Fine. What do you do for work?
CASSIAN: I collect vintage stamps, mostly.
LYRA: That is your actual job?
CASSIAN: No, I am a professional sleeper.
LYRA: A what? That is not possible.
CASSIAN: Sleep studies pay very well.
LYRA: So you get paid to nap?
CASSIAN: Exactly! It is the dream job.
LYRA: You are actually kidding me.
CASSIAN: No, I have certificates for it.
LYRA: This date is a fever dream.
CASSIAN: Dreams can be quite lovely, right?
LYRA: Not when they involve snails.
CASSIAN: We will skip the snail part.
LYRA: Thank you for finally agreeing.
CASSIAN: Do you like the atmosphere here?
LYRA: It is too quiet and stiff.
CASSIAN: I can make a loud noise!
LYRA: Please, for once, do not.
CASSIAN: I was just joking, Lyra.
LYRA: Your jokes are very confusing.
CASSIAN: Humor is subjective, as they say.
LYRA: My subject says this is boring.
CASSIAN: Let us go to the arcade.
LYRA: An arcade? On a first date?
CASSIAN: It is more exciting than this.
LYRA: I am wearing high heels, Cassian.
CASSIAN: You can take them off there.
LYRA: Walking barefoot in an arcade?
CASSIAN: It is very liberating, I promise.
LYRA: You are truly a strange man.
CASSIAN: Strange is the new normal now.
LYRA: I think I want to go.
CASSIAN: Already? We haven't had dessert!
LYRA: I am full of regret, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Regret is a strong emotion, Lyra.
LYRA: It is the only one I feel.
CASSIAN: Maybe a second date will help.
LYRA: I would rather eat the snails.
CASSIAN: That is a very harsh rejection.
LYRA: Honesty is the best policy, Cassian.
CASSIAN: Well, my stamps are still cool.
LYRA: Keep your stamps to yourself, please.
CASSIAN: I will send you a postcard!
LYRA: Please do not have my address.
CASSIAN: I can find it on Facebook.
LYRA: I am blocking you right now.
CASSIAN: That is a very fast reaction.
LYRA: Goodbye, Cassian. Have a nap.
CASSIAN: I will! It's my job, remember?