The Cult Leader

GISELLE: I just wanted tea.
OSCAR: They think you are a god.
GISELLE: Why do they think that?
OSCAR: You wore a white robe.
GISELLE: This is a bathrobe!
OSCAR: It looks divine to them.
GISELLE: Tell them it is cotton.
OSCAR: They love cotton now.
GISELLE: This is getting out of hand.
OSCAR: There are ten people outside.
GISELLE: Ten? That is too many.
OSCAR: They brought fruit baskets.
GISELLE: I like fruit.
OSCAR: See? You are a leader.
GISELLE: I am not a leader.
OSCAR: Just wave at them.
GISELLE: No, that encourages them.
OSCAR: Wave just once.
GISELLE: Fine, one wave.
OSCAR: They are cheering!
GISELLE: Oh no.
OSCAR: You are the Chosen One.
GISELLE: I was chosen for what?
OSCAR: For leading the Way.
GISELLE: What Way?
OSCAR: The Way of Tea.
GISELLE: I just like Earl Grey.
OSCAR: That is your sacred drink.
GISELLE: This is ridiculous.
OSCAR: They want a sermon.
GISELLE: A sermon about what?
OSCAR: About the beauty of tea.
GISELLE: I cannot do that.
OSCAR: Just say it tastes good.
GISELLE: Tea tastes good.
OSCAR: Write it down first.
GISELLE: Why write it?
OSCAR: It becomes a holy text.
GISELLE: I am not writing a book.
OSCAR: They will pay you.
GISELLE: How much?
OSCAR: A lot of fruit.
GISELLE: I really like mangoes.
OSCAR: Then start writing.
GISELLE: Fine, one page.
OSCAR: Use the fancy paper.
GISELLE: This is just scrap paper.
OSCAR: Now it is a relic.
GISELLE: Stop helping them.
OSCAR: I am your prophet.
GISELLE: You are my roommate.
OSCAR: Roommate by day, prophet by night.
GISELLE: Go back to sleep, Oscar.
OSCAR: The followers are waiting.
GISELLE: Tell them I am busy.
OSCAR: Busy doing what?
GISELLE: Eating a mango.
OSCAR: A sacred feast!
GISELLE: Stop adding words!
OSCAR: It adds flavor to the lore.
GISELLE: There is no lore here.
OSCAR: Now there is.
GISELLE: I want this to stop.
OSCAR: Just tell them to go.
GISELLE: Really?
OSCAR: Yes, just say "Go away".
GISELLE: Go away!
OSCAR: They think it is a riddle.
GISELLE: Of course they do.
OSCAR: They are analyzing the silence.
GISELLE: I am not being silent.
OSCAR: You are pausing for effect.
GISELLE: I am pausing in frustration.
OSCAR: Deeply spiritual frustration.
GISELLE: You are the worst, Oscar.
OSCAR: But I bring you mangoes.
GISELLE: True, the mangoes are great.
OSCAR: See? The cult works.
GISELLE: I hate that you are right.
OSCAR: We need a temple.
GISELLE: No temples in this apartment.
OSCAR: Just a small altar.
GISELLE: On the coffee table?
OSCAR: Exactly there.
GISELLE: Absolutely not.
OSCAR: Think of the fruit!
GISELLE: Fine, but no candles.
OSCAR: Candles are essential.
GISELLE: No candles!
OSCAR: Maybe one small one.
GISELLE: One candle only.
OSCAR: Deal!