The Gym Bro Guide

CHAD: Welcome to the iron temple, bro!
SOREN: Why is it called a temple?
CHAD: Because we worship the gains, bro.
SOREN: I just want to lose weight.
CHAD: Weight loss is for beginners, bro.
SOREN: I am a beginner, Chad.
CHAD: We call that the growth phase.
SOREN: Can I just use the treadmill?
CHAD: Treadmills are for hamsters, bro.
SOREN: Hamsters get a lot of cardio.
CHAD: Cardio is the enemy of size.
SOREN: I do not want to be big.
CHAD: Everyone wants to be big, bro.
SOREN: Some of us like fitting in cars.
CHAD: Cars should fit around the man!
SOREN: That sounds very expensive, Chad.
CHAD: Now, let us hit the bench.
SOREN: I am scared of that thing.
CHAD: The iron does not bite, bro.
SOREN: It looks like it could crush me.
CHAD: That is just the gravity working.
SOREN: Gravity is a scary force, Chad.
CHAD: Fear is just weakness leaving body.
SOREN: I think my weakness is staying.
CHAD: No quitting in the temple, bro!
SOREN: Can I have some water first?
CHAD: Water is for the weak, bro.
SOREN: I am literally dehydrated, Chad.
CHAD: Drink a protein shake instead, bro.
SOREN: It tastes like chalk and salt.
CHAD: That is the taste of victory!
SOREN: Victory tastes very dry, Chad.
CHAD: Now, give me twenty pushups, bro.
SOREN: Twenty? I can do two.
CHAD: Two is just a warm up, bro.
SOREN: My arms are already shaking now.
CHAD: That is the muscle fiber screaming.
SOREN: I want them to be quiet.
CHAD: Quiet muscles are dead muscles, bro.
SOREN: I am not ready to die, Chad.
CHAD: You are reborn in the sweat!
SOREN: I just feel very sticky now.
CHAD: Stickiness is a sign of effort.
SOREN: Effort feels like a heart attack.
CHAD: That is just your heart growing, bro.
SOREN: It is beating way too fast.
CHAD: Keep it pumping! Feel the burn!
SOREN: The burn is in my lungs, Chad.
CHAD: Lungs are just air balloons, bro.
SOREN: I think my balloon is popping.
CHAD: Just breathe through the pain, bro.
SOREN: Pain is not a good motivator.
CHAD: It is the only real motivator!
SOREN: I prefer positive reinforcement, Chad.
CHAD: Positive reinforcement is for puppies, bro.
SOREN: Puppies are very happy and cute.
CHAD: Puppies do not have biceps, bro.
SOREN: They have very cute little legs.
CHAD: Leg day is the most important!
SOREN: Why? I use my arms more.
CHAD: Skipping legs is a sin, bro.
SOREN: I did not know gym had sins.
CHAD: The gym gods are very strict.
SOREN: Who are these gym gods, Chad?
CHAD: Arnold and the Great Pump, bro.
SOREN: Is the pump a person, Chad?
CHAD: It is a state of being, bro.
SOREN: I am in a state of panic.
CHAD: Panic is just pre-workout energy!
SOREN: I did not take any pre-workout.
CHAD: You should! It makes you vibrate.
SOREN: Vibrating sounds very dangerous, Chad.
CHAD: It means you are ready, bro.
SOREN: Ready for what? A nap?
CHAD: Ready to move the heavy metal!
SOREN: I think I will go home.
CHAD: You cannot leave mid-set, bro!
SOREN: This is my set: walking away.
CHAD: That is a very long set, bro.
SOREN: It is the longest of my life.
CHAD: Come back tomorrow at five, bro.
SOREN: Five in the morning? No way.
CHAD: The early bird gets the gains!
SOREN: The early bird gets tired, Chad.
CHAD: Tiredness is just a mental block.
SOREN: My mental block is very strong.
CHAD: We will break it together, bro!
SOREN: Please do not break my head.
CHAD: I only break personal records, bro.
SOREN: I have no records to break.
CHAD: Then we will create some, bro!
SOREN: I am terrified of your enthusiasm.
CHAD: That is just the adrenaline, bro!
SOREN: Adrenaline feels like too much coffee.
CHAD: Coffee is liquid gold for gains.
SOREN: My heart cannot take more gold.
CHAD: Then we start with light weights.
SOREN: Light as in feathers, Chad?
CHAD: No, light as in ten kilos.
SOREN: Ten kilos is heavy for me!
CHAD: You are a warrior, Soren, bro!
SOREN: I am more of a librarian.
CHAD: Even librarians need big traps, bro!
SOREN: What are traps? Are they dangerous?
CHAD: They are the muscles by neck.
SOREN: My neck is perfectly fine, Chad.
CHAD: Not until we build the mountain!
SOREN: I do not want a neck-mountain.
CHAD: Then you will never be alpha, bro.
SOREN: Being beta is much more relaxing.
CHAD: Relaxation is for retirement, bro!
SOREN: I feel retired already, Chad.