The Living Room Olympics

MAX: Welcome to the 1st Annual Couch Games!
SOPHIE: Why am I competing in this?
MAX: Because you're my sister and you're slow.
SOPHIE: I am not slow!
MAX: Your walking speed is glacial.
SOPHIE: I walk with purpose, Max.
MAX: Your purpose is to lose.
SOPHIE: In your dreams, loser.
MAX: Event one: The Pillow Hurdle!
SOPHIE: That's just jumping over a cushion.
MAX: It's a test of agility!
SOPHIE: I can do that in my sleep.
MAX: Then sleep while you lose.
SOPHIE: Watch and learn, amateur.
MAX: On your marks... get set... GO!
SOPHIE: Easy!
MAX: You cheated! You stepped on the tape.
SOPHIE: There is no rule about tape.
MAX: Rule one: No tape-touching!
SOPHIE: You just made that up!
MAX: I am the commissioner of these games.
SOPHIE: Then I'm filing a protest.
MAX: Protest denied! Restart!
SOPHIE: This is so stupid.
MAX: Stupid is where the glory is.
SOPHIE: Glory in a living room?
MAX: Yes, look at this trophy!
SOPHIE: That's a plastic cup with a rock.
MAX: It's a symbol of victory.
SOPHIE: A symbol of your boredom.
MAX: Boredom leads to greatness.
SOPHIE: Boredom leads to dust bunnies.
MAX: Event two: The Remote Sprint!
SOPHIE: What is that?
MAX: Run to the remote and back.
SOPHIE: That's five feet away.
MAX: Five grueling feet!
SOPHIE: I can do this in one second.
MAX: Ready... GO!
SOPHIE: Done!
MAX: Wait, you didn't touch the remote.
SOPHIE: I touched it with my mind.
MAX: Mind-touching is not allowed.
SOPHIE: Since when?
MAX: Since the start of this second.
SOPHIE: You are a terrible referee.
MAX: I am a fair but firm leader.
SOPHIE: Firm like a wet noodle.
MAX: Noodles can be strong!
SOPHIE: Not when they're boiled, Max.
MAX: Event three: The Sock Toss!
SOPHIE: Now we are just throwing laundry.
MAX: It's about precision and grace.
SOPHIE: Grace in a dirty sock?
MAX: Exactly. High contrast.
SOPHIE: Fine, give me the sock.
MAX: Here. Aim for the basket.
SOPHIE: Too easy.
MAX: Try it from the kitchen!
SOPHIE: That's too far.
MAX: Coward!
SOPHIE: I am not a coward, I'm reasonable.
MAX: Reason is the enemy of sports.
SOPHIE: Sports are about rules, Max.
MAX: My rules are the only rules.
SOPHIE: Then I quit.
MAX: You can't quit! The world is watching.
SOPHIE: Who is watching?
MAX: The cat.
SOPHIE: The cat is licking its paw.
MAX: He is a very critical judge.
SOPHIE: He doesn't care about us.
MAX: He cares about the trophy rock.
SOPHIE: Why does he want a rock?
MAX: He's a geologist cat.
SOPHIE: You are insane.
MAX: Insanity is the key to gold!
SOPHIE: We don't have any gold.
MAX: The plastic cup is basically gold.
SOPHIE: I'm going to my room.
MAX: Wait! One last event!
SOPHIE: No.
MAX: The Staring Contest of Doom!
SOPHIE: I can stare longer than you.
MAX: Prove it!
SOPHIE: Fine. Three... two... one...
MAX: ...
SOPHIE: ...
MAX: ...
SOPHIE: ...
MAX: Your eye is twitching.
SOPHIE: It is not!
MAX: I see a blink! A tiny blink!
SOPHIE: That was a gust of wind!
MAX: Inside the house?
SOPHIE: The AC is on!
MAX: Excuses! I win!
SOPHIE: You didn't win, I just blinked.
MAX: Blinking is losing!
SOPHIE: This is why you have no friends.
MAX: I have a cat!
SOPHIE: The cat is judging you.
MAX: He's just admiring my victory.
SOPHIE: Give me that cup.
MAX: No! It's mine!
SOPHIE: I'm taking it for the rock.
MAX: Hey! Give it back!
SOPHIE: Now I am the champion.
MAX: This is a stolen victory!
SOPHIE: The new commissioner has spoken.
MAX: I'll start the 2nd Annual Games tomorrow.
SOPHIE: Only if there are snacks.
MAX: Deal.
SOPHIE: And no tape-touching.
MAX: Fine, you win this time.
SOPHIE: I always win.
MAX: In your dreams, slowpoke!
SOPHIE: Shut up, Max.
MAX: Love you too, sis!
SOPHIE: Whatever.