The Office Prank War

PHINEAS: What is this?
XANTHE: It's a surprise!
PHINEAS: My keyboard is made of Jello!
XANTHE: I thought it needed more flavor.
PHINEAS: I can't type in lime gelatin, Xanthe!
XANTHE: Use your finger. It's tactile.
PHINEAS: This is a violation of office policy.
XANTHE: Policy is for people without imagination.
PHINEAS: Imagination doesn't finish the quarterly reports.
XANTHE: Neither does Jello.
PHINEAS: You are evil.
XANTHE: I am an artist of chaos.
PHINEAS: Just wait until tomorrow.
XANTHE: Is that a threat?
PHINEAS: It's a promise.
XANTHE: I love promises.
PHINEAS: You won't love this one.
XANTHE: Try me, Kev.
PHINEAS: I'll be very subtle.
XANTHE: Subtle is boring.
PHINEAS: We'll see about that.
XANTHE: By the way, did you check your chair?
PHINEAS: My chair? Why?
XANTHE: Just a suggestion.
PHINEAS: ...Why is there a whoopee cushion?
XANTHE: For ergonomic support.
PHINEAS: This is not support!
XANTHE: It's emotional support.
PHINEAS: I am going to the boss.
XANTHE: He loves a good laugh.
PHINEAS: Not when it's my dignity at stake.
XANTHE: Dignity is overrated in cubicles.
PHINEAS: I can't believe you did this.
XANTHE: I can't believe you haven't retaliated.
PHINEAS: Oh, I have.
XANTHE: What? You didn't do anything.
PHINEAS: Check your stapler.
XANTHE: My stapler?
PHINEAS: Just check it.
XANTHE: ...Why is it glued to the desk?
PHINEAS: To ensure it stays in place.
XANTHE: That's just mean!
PHINEAS: You started the Jello war!
XANTHE: Jello was a greeting.
PHINEAS: Glue is a response.
XANTHE: This is escalating quickly.
PHINEAS: I have a whole kit of supplies.
XANTHE: Glitter? Please tell me there's no glitter.
PHINEAS: I wouldn't stoop that low.
XANTHE: You're a man of honor.
PHINEAS: Exactly. Just glue and gelatin.
XANTHE: Wait, why is my mouse not moving?
PHINEAS: Did you check the sensor?
XANTHE: There's a piece of tape over it!
PHINEAS: It's for protection.
XANTHE: Protection from what?
PHINEAS: From unwanted clicks.
XANTHE: I WANT TO CLICK!
PHINEAS: Patience is a virtue, Xanthe.
XANTHE: My virtue just expired.
PHINEAS: Now we have a real war.
XANTHE: You have no idea what's coming.
PHINEAS: I'm scared. I'm actually scared.
XANTHE: Good. Fear is the best seasoning.
PHINEAS: Stop talking like a villain.
XANTHE: Villains have better outfits.
PHINEAS: You're wearing a beige cardigan.
XANTHE: It's a stealth cardigan!
PHINEAS: Stealth doesn't work with lime Jello.
XANTHE: That was a decoy.
PHINEAS: A decoy what?
XANTHE: The real prank is elsewhere.
PHINEAS: Where? Tell me where!
XANTHE: I can't tell you.
PHINEAS: This is psychological torture.
XANTHE: Welcome to my world.
PHINEAS: I just want to do my spreadsheets.
XANTHE: Spreadsheets are for the weak.
PHINEAS: They are for the paid!
XANTHE: Money is a social construct.
PHINEAS: My rent is a very real construct.
XANTHE: Use your imagination to pay it.
PHINEAS: I'll use my imagination to fire you.
XANTHE: You aren't my boss.
PHINEAS: Not yet, but I'm working on it.
XANTHE: Good luck with the Jello keyboard.
PHINEAS: It's actually kind of tasty.
XANTHE: Don't eat the hardware!
PHINEAS: Lime is my favorite flavor.
XANTHE: You are a weird person, Phineas.
PHINEAS: Weird is the new normal.
XANTHE: I think I just heard something in your desk.
PHINEAS: What? Nothing is in my desk.
XANTHE: Something is ticking...
PHINEAS: Ticking? Like a bomb?
XANTHE: No, like a very small clock.
PHINEAS: Why would there be a clock?
XANTHE: Maybe it's a countdown.
PHINEAS: A countdown to what?
XANTHE: To the glitter.
PHINEAS: NO! NOT THE GLITTER!
XANTHE: BOOM!
PHINEAS: ...Wait, nothing happened.
XANTHE: Exactly. The prank was the fear.
PHINEAS: You are a monster.
XANTHE: I know. Now help me clean the Jello.
PHINEAS: No way. You're cleaning it.
XANTHE: Deal. But I get your stapler.
PHINEAS: Why? It's glued down!
XANTHE: I have solvent.
PHINEAS: You are terrifying.
XANTHE: I know. Now move!
PHINEAS: Fine, but tomorrow is my turn.
XANTHE: I can't wait.
PHINEAS: Me neither.
XANTHE: Victory is mine!
PHINEAS: Not for long.