Barking Up the Wrong Tree

MADAME LUNA: I can feel his energy vibrating.
FLORA: That's just Buster shaking his fur.
MADAME LUNA: He is communicating a deep sorrow.
FLORA: He just saw the vacuum cleaner.
MADAME LUNA: No, it is a spiritual longing for ancestors.
FLORA: His ancestor was probably also afraid of vacuums.
MADAME LUNA: Close your eyes and feel his aura.
FLORA: I feel dog hair on my sweater.
MADAME LUNA: He says he misses a special toy.
FLORA: He has twenty toys, Luna.
MADAME LUNA: A specific one. Something... round?
FLORA: Every single one of his toys is round.
MADAME LUNA: Ah, the sphere of destiny!
FLORA: It's a tennis ball.
MADAME LUNA: He feels you are not giving him enough treats.
FLORA: I give him treats every hour.
MADAME LUNA: He says he wants a different kind of treat.
FLORA: Like what?
MADAME LUNA: Something... crunchy?
FLORA: All dog treats are crunchy.
MADAME LUNA: He is very specific about the crunch.
FLORA: You're just guessing, aren't you?
MADAME LUNA: How dare you! I am a vessel of truth.
FLORA: A vessel that describes every dog on earth.
MADAME LUNA: He says he has a secret message for you.
FLORA: Oh really? What is it?
MADAME LUNA: He wants you to know... he loves the park.
FLORA: Every dog loves the park!
MADAME LUNA: But he loves this specific park with the oak tree.
FLORA: We only go to one park, Luna.
MADAME LUNA: A cosmic coincidence!
FLORA: I'm starting to think you're a fraud.
MADAME LUNA: The spirits are just speaking in generalities today.
FLORA: Spirits shouldn't be vague.
MADAME LUNA: Mysticism is the art of the vague.
FLORA: No, mysticism is the art of charging fifty bucks.
MADAME LUNA: My crystals require expensive cleaning.
FLORA: Those are plastic beads from a craft store.
MADAME LUNA: They are high-vibration synthetic quartz!
FLORA: Just tell me something only Buster would know.
MADAME LUNA: He... he dislikes the mailman!
FLORA: Again, every dog hates the mailman.
MADAME LUNA: He finds the mailman's scent offensive.
FLORA: The mailman wears cheap cologne. Everyone knows that.
MADAME LUNA: See! I am tapping into his olfactory memory.
FLORA: You're tapping into common sense.
MADAME LUNA: He says he is feeling a sudden urge.
FLORA: What urge?
MADAME LUNA: To... chase something!
FLORA: A fly just landed on his nose.
MADAME LUNA: It was a spiritual manifestation of a fly!
FLORA: This is the worst fifty dollars I've spent.
MADAME LUNA: The energy shift is already happening.
FLORA: The only thing shifting is my patience.
MADAME LUNA: He says you should be more open-minded.
FLORA: Did he actually say that?
MADAME LUNA: In the language of souls, yes.
FLORA: Does the language of souls sound like a scam?
MADAME LUNA: It sounds like enlightenment.
FLORA: It sounds like you need a real job.
MADAME LUNA: Being a psychic is a full-time vocation.
FLORA: How many "vessels" do you see a week?
MADAME LUNA: Many souls seek the truth about their pets.
FLORA: Or they just want to feel better about their dogs.
MADAME LUNA: It provides emotional closure.
FLORA: I don't need closure, I need my money back.
MADAME LUNA: The energy exchange is final.
FLORA: Let me "exchange" this crystal for a refund.
MADAME LUNA: Please do not touch the sacred beads!
FLORA: They're literally peeling.
MADAME LUNA: That's just the aura shedding its old skin.
FLORA: You are unbelievable.
MADAME LUNA: I am a miracle worker.
FLORA: Buster, do you really think she's a psychic?
MADAME LUNA: He says yes!
FLORA: He just licked his own paw.
MADAME LUNA: A sign of absolute agreement!
FLORA: It's a sign he has an itchy paw.
MADAME LUNA: The itch is a spiritual awakening.
FLORA: I'm leaving now.
MADAME LUNA: Wait! He has one last message.
FLORA: Let me guess, he wants more treats?
MADAME LUNA: No... he says you have a smudge on your face.
FLORA: Oh my god, do I?
MADAME LUNA: Yes, right there on your cheek.
FLORA: Where?
MADAME LUNA: Right where the spirit pointed!
FLORA: You just made me look in a mirror.
MADAME LUNA: And the truth was revealed!
FLORA: There is no smudge, you liar!
MADAME LUNA: The smudge was an energetic blockage.
FLORA: I am done with this.
MADAME LUNA: Your aura is very spikey today.
FLORA: That's because I'm angry!
MADAME LUNA: Anger is just misunderstood passion.
FLORA: No, anger is just anger.
MADAME LUNA: Buster agrees with me.
FLORA: He's literally falling asleep.
MADAME LUNA: He is entering a deep trance of wisdom.
FLORA: He's just a lazy dog, Luna.
MADAME LUNA: All wisdom begins with laziness.
FLORA: I can't believe I paid for this.
MADAME LUNA: Consider it a donation to the arts.
FLORA: The art of the steal.
MADAME LUNA: Precisely!
FLORA: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.
MADAME LUNA: He says that's a great idea!
FLORA: Stop talking for him!
MADAME LUNA: I can't help it, he's so vocal.
FLORA: He hasn't made a sound in ten minutes.
MADAME LUNA: The loudest voices are the ones we don't hear.
FLORA: That is the most "psychic" thing you've said all day.
MADAME LUNA: I aim to please.
FLORA: Goodbye, Luna.
MADAME LUNA: Safe travels through the astral plane!
FLORA: It's just a parking lot.
MADAME LUNA: A cosmic parking lot!
FLORA: Shut up.