The Bad Date Doctor

DR. LEE: Your pupils are slightly dilated.
SERAPHINA: It is because of the candles.
DR. LEE: Or it could be early hypertension.
SERAPHINA: I am just excited for dinner.
DR. LEE: Excitement can mimic a thyroid issue.
SERAPHINA: Please stop diagnosing me, Lee.
DR. LEE: I cannot turn it off, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: This is a date, not clinic.
DR. LEE: The clinic is where the truth is.
SERAPHINA: The truth is you are annoying.
DR. LEE: Annoyance can cause cortisol spikes.
SERAPHINA: My cortisol is spiking right now!
DR. LEE: See? I was right about that.
SERAPHINA: That does not count as medicine.
DR. LEE: Everything is a symptom, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: Being on this date is a symptom.
DR. LEE: A symptom of what, exactly?
SERAPHINA: A symptom of my bad judgment.
DR. LEE: Bad judgment is a cognitive decline.
SERAPHINA: Stop it! Just eat your salad.
DR. LEE: This lettuce looks slightly wilted.
SERAPHINA: It is organic, it happens often.
DR. LEE: Wilted greens can harbor bacteria.
SERAPHINA: I am not afraid of lettuce, Lee.
DR. LEE: You should be, the risks are real.
SERAPHINA: Do you ever stop thinking medicine?
DR. LEE: I breathe medicine, eat medicine, sleep.
SERAPHINA: That sounds like a very boring life.
DR. LEE: Boring is stable and predictable, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: Predictable is just another word for dull.
DR. LEE: Dullness prevents unnecessary medical emergencies.
SERAPHINA: You are creating an emergency right now.
DR. LEE: My heart rate is actually quite steady.
SERAPHINA: Your heart is a robot, clearly.
DR. LEE: Robots do not have blood pressure.
SERAPHINA: I wish you had a mute button.
DR. LEE: Mute buttons are for electronic devices.
SERAPHINA: Then operate on my ears, please.
DR. LEE: That would require local anesthesia first.
SERAPHINA: Just be a normal human being.
DR. LEE: Normal is just an average of extremes.
SERAPHINA: You are definitely an extreme, Lee.
DR. LEE: I prefer the term specialized expert.
SERAPHINA: An expert in ruining a first date.
DR. LEE: Ruining is a subjective emotional state.
SERAPHINA: My emotion is currently pure frustration.
DR. LEE: Frustration can lead to tension headaches.
SERAPHINA: I already have one, thanks to you.
DR. LEE: I can prescribe something for that.
SERAPHINA: I do not want your prescriptions, Lee.
DR. LEE: It is a very effective mild sedative.
SERAPHINA: I do not want to be sedated!
DR. LEE: You would be much calmer then.
SERAPHINA: I like my anger, it's honest.
DR. LEE: Honesty is good for the psyche.
SERAPHINA: Your psyche is a medical textbook.
DR. LEE: Textbooks are reliable and well-indexed, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: I am not a page in book.
DR. LEE: You have an interesting skin tone.
SERAPHINA: Is this another diagnosis coming now?
DR. LEE: It might be a slight vitamin deficiency.
SERAPHINA: I take vitamins every single morning!
DR. LEE: Maybe you are taking the wrong ones.
SERAPHINA: How would you even know that, Lee?
DR. LEE: I can tell by your nail beds.
SERAPHINA: Stop looking at my nails, please!
DR. LEE: They are slightly concave, which means...
SERAPHINA: If you finish that sentence, I leave.
DR. LEE: It means you need more iron, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: That is it! I am leaving now.
DR. LEE: Wait! Your gait is slightly uneven.
SERAPHINA: My gait is fine! Leave me alone!
DR. LEE: Could be a hip misalignment, maybe.
SERAPHINA: Goodbye, Dr. Lee! Have a nice life!
DR. LEE: You should really see a physical therapist.
SERAPHINA: I will see a lawyer for divorce!
DR. LEE: We are not even married yet, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: In my head, we were and now over.
DR. LEE: Emotional volatility is common in autumn.
SERAPHINA: It is July! Stop it with the seasons!
DR. LEE: Ah, seasonal affective disorder, then.
SERAPHINA: I am gone! Truly gone this time!
DR. LEE: She forgot her purse on table.
SERAPHINA: Give it back, you medical freak!
DR. LEE: Your grip is weak, need more protein.
SERAPHINA: Just give me the bag, Lee!
DR. LEE: Fine, but take these Omega-3 pills.
SERAPHINA: I am throwing them in trash!
DR. LEE: Such a waste of good fatty acids.
SERAPHINA: Get away from me, you weirdo!
DR. LEE: Her blood pressure is definitely high now.
SERAPHINA: Stop talking about my pressure, Lee!
DR. LEE: It is my professional duty, Seraphina.
SERAPHINA: You are off the clock, doctor!
DR. LEE: Medicine never sleeps, neither do I.
SERAPHINA: That is why you are alone.
DR. LEE: Solitude reduces the risk of contagion.
SERAPHINA: You are contagious with boredom, Lee.
DR. LEE: Boredom is just a lack of stimulus.
SERAPHINA: Stimulate yourself somewhere else, please!
DR. LEE: I will go check my own pulse.
SERAPHINA: Good idea, make sure it's still there.
DR. LEE: It is. Perfectly rhythmic and slow.
SERAPHINA: Finally, something we both agree on.