The Cooking Catastrophe

LUCY: Is it supposed to be flat?
LUCIUS: The book says fluffy.
LUCY: This is a pancake.
LUCIUS: A French pancake!
LUCY: It's called a soufflé, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Maybe it's shy.
LUCY: Food cannot be shy.
LUCIUS: Some food is timid.
LUCY: We used too much salt.
LUCIUS: Salt adds character.
LUCY: Character shouldn't taste like ocean.
LUCIUS: It's a coastal vibe.
LUCY: My tongue is numb.
LUCIUS: That means it's working.
LUCY: Working towards what?
LUCIUS: Culinary enlightenment.
LUCY: I'm enlightened that you can't cook.
LUCIUS: I followed the steps!
LUCY: Step three was fold, not smash.
LUCIUS: I folded it with passion.
LUCY: Passion doesn't replace technique.
LUCIUS: Technique is for robots.
LUCY: Robots make better cakes.
LUCIUS: They lack the heart.
LUCY: Heart doesn't stop a collapse.
LUCIUS: It's a rustic look.
LUCY: Rustic means country, not ruined.
LUCIUS: This is very country.
LUCY: From which country? Chaos-land?
LUCIUS: I think it's from Provence.
LUCY: Provence doesn't eat rubber.
LUCIUS: It has a chewy texture.
LUCY: It's like eating a tire.
LUCIUS: A gourmet tire!
LUCY: Stop calling everything gourmet.
LUCIUS: Because it is!
LUCY: We used butter for the pan.
LUCIUS: I used extra butter.
LUCY: That's why it's sliding off.
LUCIUS: It's a sliding soufflé.
LUCY: It's a tragedy in batter.
LUCIUS: Let's just add sugar.
LUCY: Sugar won't fix salt.
LUCIUS: It creates a sweet-salt balance.
LUCY: That's called caramel, not cake.
LUCIUS: Caramel is delicious.
LUCY: We are making a main course!
LUCIUS: Sweet mains are trendy.
LUCY: Not in this century.
LUCIUS: You're too traditional, Lucy.
LUCY: I like food that's edible.
LUCIUS: Edible is a low bar.
LUCY: It's the only bar we have.
LUCIUS: Let's try the sauce again.
LUCY: The sauce is neon green.
LUCIUS: The recipe said herb-infused.
LUCY: Herbs aren't radioactive.
LUCIUS: Maybe they are super herbs.
LUCY: You bought these at a gas station?
LUCIUS: They were on sale!
LUCY: Gas station herbs!
LUCIUS: They looked fresh enough.
LUCY: They look like plastic.
LUCIUS: Plastic has a nice sheen.
LUCY: We are going to get sick.
LUCIUS: It's an adventure for the stomach.
LUCY: My stomach is protesting.
LUCIUS: Tell it to be brave.
LUCY: I'm calling for pizza.
LUCIUS: No! We are chefs!
LUCY: Chefs who fail at eggs.
LUCIUS: Eggs are tricky.
LUCY: You boiled them for an hour.
LUCIUS: I wanted them very firm.
LUCY: They are now billiard balls.
LUCIUS: At least they don't break.
LUCY: Neither does the soufflé.
LUCIUS: It's a structural marvel.
LUCY: A marvel of failure.
LUCIUS: You have no vision.
LUCY: My vision sees a pizza.
LUCIUS: I can make a pizza!
LUCY: Please, for the love of God, don't.
LUCIUS: I just need some flour.
LUCY: The floor is already flour.
LUCIUS: Great, it's already prepped!
LUCY: I am leaving you.
LUCIUS: Over a cake?
LUCY: Over your gas station herbs.
LUCIUS: They were only two dollars!
LUCY: My health is worth more.
LUCIUS: You're so dramatic.
LUCY: I'm ordering pepperoni.
LUCIUS: Get me some too.
LUCY: Fine. But you're paying.
LUCIUS: Fair deal.
LUCY: And no sporks!
LUCIUS: Why are we talking about sporks?
LUCY: Just in case.
LUCIUS: I love your caution.
LUCY: I love pizza.