The Bad Roommate's Cooking: Dessert Edition

OSCAR: Why is there frosting on the ceiling, Damian?
DAMIAN: The mixer had a bit of an outburst, Oscar.
OSCAR: Outbursts are for people, not for kitchen appliances!
DAMIAN: It was just too excited about the sugar, honestly.
OSCAR: How can a machine be excited about sugar, Damian?
DAMIAN: I think it has a sweet tooth, my friend.
OSCAR: Machines do not have teeth, let alone sweet ones.
DAMIAN: It is a metaphorical tooth for the flavor, Oscar.
OSCAR: This is not a metaphor; this is a disaster!
DAMIAN: A delicious, sugary disaster, if you ask me.
OSCAR: I am asking you why my shoes are sticky now.
DAMIAN: Sticky shoes help you grip the floor better, Oscar.
OSCAR: I do not want to grip the floor; I want walk!
DAMIAN: Walking is just a series of small hops, really.
OSCAR: My hops are currently stuck in vanilla frosting.
DAMIAN: Vanilla is the most versatile of all flavors.
OSCAR: It is too versatile when it covers the walls!
DAMIAN: The walls now have a sweet, creamy aroma.
OSCAR: The walls smell like a candy shop exploded here.
DAMIAN: Exactly! It is like living inside a cupcake.
OSCAR: I do not want to live inside a cupcake, Damian.
DAMIAN: Why not? It is the dream of every child.
OSCAR: I am an adult; my dream is a clean kitchen.
DAMIAN: Adults are just children who forgot how to play.
OSCAR: Playing does not involve frosting on the lightbulbs.
DAMIAN: The lights now emit a warm, sugary glow, Oscar.
OSCAR: They emit a smell of burning sugar, you idiot!
DAMIAN: That is just the caramelization process, honestly.
OSCAR: Caramelization should happen in pan, not lamp!
DAMIAN: I wanted to create an ambient dessert experience.
OSCAR: An experience of cleaning this up for three days!
DAMIAN: Cleaning is a form la meditative movement, Oscar.
OSCAR: Meditating with a sponge is not my idea of fun.
DAMIAN: Fun is subjective; some love the scrubbing.
OSCAR: I love the absence of frosting on my furniture.
DAMIAN: Look at this cake! It is a mountain of joy.
OSCAR: It looks like a collapsed building made of cream.
DAMIAN: Architecture is all about the bold shapes, Oscar.
OSCAR: This shape is just a blob with sprinkles on it.
DAMIAN: Sprinkles are the confetti of the culinary world.
OSCAR: Confetti belongs at parties, not on my table.
DAMIAN: Every meal should be a party, my dear friend.
OSCAR: A party where we eat frosting off the walls?
DAMIAN: It is more efficient than using a fork, really.
OSCAR: Efficiency should not involve licking the wallpaper.
DAMIAN: You are too rigid about your dining habits, Oscar.
OSCAR: I prefer my food on plates and my walls clean.
DAMIAN: Plates are just boundaries for the flavor, Oscar.
OSCAR: Boundaries keep the frosting off my laptop!
DAMIAN: Your laptop is now a sweet-scented device, Oscar.
OSCAR: My keyboard is sticking! I cannot type anything!
DAMIAN: Now you can focus on the present moment, truly.
OSCAR: The present moment involves me screaming at you.
DAMIAN: Screaming is just another way of expressing joy.
OSCAR: This is not joy; this is pure, unadulterated rage.
DAMIAN: Rage is just passion with a bit of a temper.
OSCAR: My temper is about to blow like your mixer!
DAMIAN: Then we can have another frosting party, Oscar!
OSCAR: There will be no more parties in this house, Damian.
DAMIAN: You are such a killjoy for the dessert arts.
OSCAR: I am a survivor of the Great Frosting War.
DAMIAN: The war is won! We have achieved maximum sweetness.
OSCAR: We have achieved maximum filth in the kitchen.
DAMIAN: Filth is just a different perspective on cleanliness.
OSCAR: My perspective says you are banned from baking.
DAMIAN: Banning me would be a crime against sugar, Oscar.
OSCAR: I am okay with that crime if it means peace.
DAMIAN: Peace is boring without a bit of sprinkles, honestly.
OSCAR: I love boring! Boring is not sticky and white.
DAMIAN: You are just afraid of the sugary unknown, Oscar.
OSCAR: The unknown is currently dripping from the ceiling.
DAMIAN: It is like a sweet rain in a tropical forest.
OSCAR: Tropical forests do not have vanilla extracts, Damian.
DAMIAN: This is a new kind of forest, a Dessert Forest!
OSCAR: I am moving to a salt-based forest then, sir.
DAMIAN: Salt is too harsh for such a delicate day.
OSCAR: My life is harsh because you live here, Damian.
DAMIAN: We are the perfect contrast of flavors, Oscar.
OSCAR: I am the salt and you are the sugar, probably.
DAMIAN: Exactly! Together we make a perfect caramel.
OSCAR: Caramel that is currently burning on the lamp.
DAMIAN: Quick! Get the water before it catches fire!
OSCAR: Why would frosting catch fire? Is that possible?
DAMIAN: I added some high-proof rum for the flavor, Oscar.
OSCAR: You put alcohol in the lighting fixture, you lunatic!
DAMIAN: I wanted a flammable essence for the mood.
OSCAR: The mood is now "Emergency Services are Coming"!
DAMIAN: That adds a bit of drama to the evening, right?
OSCAR: I am calling my mother and moving out tomorrow.
DAMIAN: Tell her I can bake her a mountain cake too!
OSCAR: Do not ever speak to my mother, Damian, please.
DAMIAN: She seems like she would appreciate some sprinkles.
OSCAR: Just shut up and help me clean this mess.
DAMIAN: Fine, but only if we use the bubble soap.
OSCAR: I am going to lose my mind in this apartment.
DAMIAN: Your mind is just expanding into a sugary void!
OSCAR: Get the sponge and start scrubbing, you weirdo.
DAMIAN: Scrubbing is just dancing with the grime, Oscar!
OSCAR: Just shut up and scrub, Damian. Just scrub.