The Gym Mirror Narcissist

CHAD: Hold on, the lighting is just wrong.
LUCIUS: You have been here for an hour.
CHAD: Lighting is everything for the brand, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Your brand is just lifting one weight.
CHAD: It is about the aesthetic, my friend.
LUCIUS: Aesthetic does not build actual muscle.
CHAD: But it builds a great Instagram feed.
LUCIUS: Who cares about a feed? Lift something!
CHAD: I am lifting the phone, it is heavy.
LUCIUS: The phone weighs two ounces, you joke.
CHAD: It is the weight of my digital legacy.
LUCIUS: Your legacy is just filtered photos, Chad.
CHAD: Filters make the veins pop more, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Just flex your arm and take photo.
CHAD: I need a 45-degree angle for jawline.
LUCIUS: Your jawline is fine, stop moving around.
CHAD: Perfection takes time and several tries.
LUCIUS: You are blocking the bench press, man.
CHAD: The bench is my studio right now.
LUCIUS: People are waiting to use the equipment!
CHAD: They can wait for a masterpiece, Lucius.
LUCIUS: It is a photo of your bicep, not art.
CHAD: Art is in the eye of the beholder.
LUCIUS: I am the beholder and I am bored.
CHAD: You just lack the vision for fitness.
LUCIUS: Vision involves actually working out, Chad.
CHAD: I work out my posing muscles every day.
LUCIUS: Posing muscles are not a real thing.
CHAD: Tell that to my five thousand followers!
LUCIUS: Half of them are probably bots, Chad.
CHAD: Bots also appreciate the pump, Lucius.
LUCIUS: The only pump you have is in phone.
CHAD: This pump is organic and very real!
LUCIUS: You did one rep and then posed.
CHAD: One quality rep is better than ten bad.
LUCIUS: You did not even finish the set!
CHAD: I reached the peak of my visual form.
LUCIUS: The only peak is your ego, Chad.
CHAD: Ego is what drives the heavy lifts.
LUCIUS: Then lift something heavier than phone.
CHAD: I might, if the light stays this way.
LUCIUS: The sun is moving, the light will change.
CHAD: Oh no! I must act very quickly now!
LUCIUS: Finally! Are you going to start lifting?
CHAD: No, I need a different filter for dusk.
LUCIUS: I cannot believe I am friends with you.
CHAD: You are just jealous of my symmetry.
LUCIUS: Your symmetry is fake and edited, Chad.
CHAD: Editing is just enhancing the truth, Lucius.
LUCIUS: The truth is you are lazy as hell.
CHAD: I am a content creator, not a lifter.
LUCIUS: Then why are we at the gym, Chad?
CHAD: For the backdrop, obviously, my friend.
LUCIUS: This is a place for health, not photos.
CHAD: My mental health improves with likes, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Your mental health needs a real hobby.
CHAD: This is my hobby! I love the grind.
LUCIUS: The only grind you do is screen scrolling.
CHAD: Scrolling is a finger workout, Lucius.
LUCIUS: You are making me want to quit gym.
CHAD: Do not quit! You can be my cameraman.
LUCIUS: I am not taking photos of your abs.
CHAD: I will pay you in protein bars, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Make it a whole box and I might.
CHAD: Deal! Now hold the light right here.
LUCIUS: I hate myself for doing this, truly.
CHAD: Just think of the reach we will get!
LUCIUS: Reach for what? A mirror in brain?
CHAD: You are so negative today, Lucius.
LUCIUS: I am a realist in a world of filters.
CHAD: Realism is boring and lacks contrast, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Contrast is when you actually sweat, Chad.
CHAD: Sweat ruins the makeup on my forehead.
LUCIUS: Since when do you wear makeup to gym?
CHAD: It is just a light bronzer for glow.
LUCIUS: You are a disaster of a man, Chad.
CHAD: But I am a glowing disaster, Lucius!
LUCIUS: Just put the phone down and lift.
CHAD: Okay, one set of ten, then photo.
LUCIUS: I will believe it when I see it.
CHAD: One... two... wait, my hair moved!
LUCIUS: I am leaving this gym right now.
CHAD: Wait! Take a video of me walking away!
LUCIUS: No way in hell, you narcissist!
CHAD: Just one slow-motion clip for the story!
LUCIUS: Go find another victim, Chad, goodbye.
CHAD: He is just intimidated by my presence.
LUCIUS: I am intimidated by your stupidity, Chad.
CHAD: Stupidity is just a different perspective, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Your perspective is a mirror, obviously.
CHAD: Exactly! The best view in the house.