The Yoga Disaster

SAM: I can't breathe.
TESS: Stop talking, just stretch.
SAM: My leg is behind my head.
TESS: That's the goal, Sam.
SAM: Why is this the goal?
TESS: For inner peace.
SAM: Peace feels like a cramp.
TESS: Just lean into the pain.
SAM: I am leaning! I'm falling!
TESS: Balance is everything here.
SAM: My balance is gone.
TESS: Imagine you are a tree.
SAM: Trees don't have cramps.
TESS: They have roots, Sam.
SAM: My root is stuck in my shirt.
TESS: Just untangle yourself.
SAM: I can't reach my arm.
TESS: Use your other arm.
SAM: That one is also trapped.
TESS: How did you get trapped?
SAM: I tried to be a swan.
TESS: Swans are graceful.
SAM: I am a dying swan.
TESS: Just breathe deeply.
SAM: I'm breathing in yoga mat.
TESS: That's the scent of zen.
SAM: Zen smells like rubber.
TESS: It's an organic rubber.
SAM: My joints are popping.
TESS: That's just the energy flowing.
SAM: Energy sounds like a cracker.
TESS: You're too tense.
SAM: I am terrified of snapping.
TESS: You won't snap, you're flexible.
SAM: I am as flexible as brick.
TESS: Bricks can be moved.
SAM: Not when they are folded.
TESS: Just try the downward dog.
SAM: My dog is upside down.
TESS: That's how it works.
SAM: My blood is in my head.
TESS: Good for your brain.
SAM: I can hear my heartbeat.
TESS: Focus on the sound.
SAM: It sounds like a warning.
TESS: A warning to relax.
SAM: I am relaxing into a coma.
TESS: Don't fall asleep now.
SAM: It's very peaceful here.
TESS: The instructor is looking at us.
SAM: Is she judging me?
TESS: She looks concerned.
SAM: Of course she is!
TESS: Just pretend you're doing it.
SAM: I am pretending!
TESS: Your face says otherwise.
SAM: My face says help me.
TESS: Shhh, be a lotus flower.
SAM: Lotus flowers don't sweat.
TESS: You are just detoxing.
SAM: I am detoxing my dignity.
TESS: Dignity is overrated in gym clothes.
SAM: These leggings are too tight.
TESS: They provide support.
LYRA: Support for my panic attack?
TESS: Just close your eyes.
SAM: Now I'm just floating.
TESS: That's the spiritual part.
SAM: I feel like a balloon.
TESS: A zen balloon.
SAM: One pop and I'm gone.
TESS: You are being dramatic.
SAM: My toe is asleep.
TESS: Wake it up with energy.
SAM: Energy isn't working.
TESS: Try wiggling it.
LYRA: I can't reach my toe!
TESS: Use your mind.
SAM: My mind is currently blank.
TESS: That's the goal of meditation.
SAM: I didn't want this goal.
TESS: Just follow the teacher.
SAM: She's doing a handstand.
TESS: We can do that!
SAM: Absolutely not.
TESS: Just a little tilt.
SAM: I tilted and I slid.
TESS: You are now on the floor.
SAM: The floor is my friend.
TESS: Finally, you found peace.
SAM: Peace is lying down.
TESS: We still have twenty minutes.
LYRA: I'm taking a nap.
TESS: You can't nap in yoga.
LYRA: Watch me.
TESS: You're snoring already.
SAM: Zzz... zen... zzz...
TESS: Well, at least he's quiet.
LYRA: Pizza after this?
TESS: How are you still asleep?
LYRA: I dream of pepperoni.
TESS: Fine, pizza it is.
LYRA: Wake me up when we leave.
TESS: You're already awake!
LYRA: Only partially.
TESS: Get up, you lazy swan.
SAM: The swan is resting.
TESS: The swan is a goofball.
LYRA: A zen goofball.